Early Morning Thoughts (Or thank you, dog, for waking me up)

     I'm laying here, wide awake, because the dog decided she needed to chase a cat she heard outside. How do they hear a cat walking by? Seriously. Anyway, I hate waking up before I need to because my brain starts working and digging out the old "stories" for early morning perusing, and then I end up staying awake until it's time to really get out of bed. "Come on, you got four hours of sleep. Let's talk!" And I think I was even dreaming about being a pirate before I woke up. So random. Kinda fun.

     So my brain starts beating me up. Same crap as before. "You're not worthy," "You're unloveable," etc. 

     And then I had this total moment of clarity. 

     The usual thought popped into my head, "What is wrong with ME?" 

     And I had no answer.

     Because there is nothing wrong with me. 

     

     It was as simple as that. 

     There is nothing wrong with me. 

     I don't think it is vain, or cocky, or narcissistic to think that. Trust me, I have seen my flaws. I know what and where they are. But when it comes down to loving myself, or whether or not I am deserving of someone loving me, there is no reason why it shouldn't just BE. I was placed here on this earth to love and be loved. To be happy. To truly live. I am a soul living in a body, not just a body with a soul. I am more than what you see. I am not damaged or broken like a car or a piece of glass. I have made mistakes and behaved stupidly. I have had a billion regrets. But I have loved every part of me back together and moved onward. I know who I am inside. The parts of me that nobody sees. The parts of me that my children know and love me because of it. 

     I can be small and vulnerable, but I am ridiculously strong when I need to be. I am love and devotion. I am art. I am spiritual. I am peace. I am a caregiver. I am gentle and kind. I am warmth. I am sweetness. And more often than not, I am a little too loud when I laugh, and can be slightly inappropriate at times.  All of these parts are what makes me who I am. I was designed this way. For a reason. 

     I don't know the answer to everything. But I do know that when my head asks me, "What is wrong with me," the answer will always be, "There is nothing wrong with me!" And I will believe it.