Today, I found someone I thought I had lost and would never see again. I found me. I went to bed feeling pretty good and carrying a new mind-set.
Knowing that bad things that people around me did would no longer hurt me. It would only hurt them. We allow ourselves to be affected by other people's actions, whether we have a bad reaction or a good reaction, that is our own choice.
I woke up to the contents of the bathroom trash can all over the apartment, and poo and pee (the dog's) in the living room. Not the way you want to start your day. I went to day #2 of #LiveBig feeling angry and resentful and not in the mood to laugh, or dance, or locate those inner most feelings inside of me. They were right there all over my face. I was...well, let's just say I was angry.
Then we were taken for a little hypothetical ride into our heads, into the deepest part of our minds where we hide our anger, resentment, hate, guilt, jealousy, hurt, and we were told to find the one person who we felt had caused those feelings and talk to them (once again, in our heads, hypothetically), and tell them that we didn't want them in there, in our minds, anymore.
I don't need to say who it was that I talked to in my head because that is not important. What is important is that I released all of that "junk" that was in my head, and let. It. Go.
I took the hand of the sad little girl in my head that was hiding and lonely and felt unloved, and ugly, and fat, and weak, and old, and I promised her I would never let that happen to her again. That I was there to take care of her and protect her.
Any anger or resentment I had felt this morning, or on any other morning in my life, was gone.
I felt peace.
I have discovered something in the last 24 hours that I really should have been smart enough to figure out on my own.
The story that was placed in my head about who I should be, or how I should feel about myself is NOT MY STORY.
That was somebody else's story that I chose to believe my whole entire life.
But now, I do not.
I write my own story. Of who I am and who I want to be.
I am my own Creator. I am writing a new story. One that will help me to be exactly whom I want to be.
We are not our parents, we are not our siblings, we are not our children (although, they are amazing and I'd have no problem being them at all), we are not our ex-spouses, we are not even our religion.
They do not define who we are, or who we can become, because we are our own Creators.
We need to stop being Reactors and feeling sorry for ourselves because of some wrong we feel was done to us. It's so DUMB! It sounds ridiculous!
Why do we choose to drag that "JUNK" around with us everywhere, destroying our own lives, messing with our children's lives, ruining relationships because we feel a need to have everyone feel as bad as we do?
"Hurt people hurt people".
And it needs to stop.
I don't want to do that anymore. I have felt like I was suffocating and lost for so long.
Today the weight is gone. The air is clean. My heart if full. I am at peace.
I do not need your validation. I just need others to see that they can be free of their own "JUNK" but only if they choose to.
Own your own "JUNK" and let it go.
Be who you are meant to be.
Be enough.
Thank you
Gerald Rogers
