Anyway, it was a Halloween dance. I LOVE dressing up. Comic Con is like my drug of choice. Give me an excuse to put on a costume and wander among other costumed revelers and I'm a happy camper. But I digress. I met up with a couple of my new single friends at the dance, and I was dressed like this:
Cute, right? I was rather proud of it, if I do say so myself. Put this baby all together myself, right down to newly decorated purse and hat. Gosh, I do love dressing up! Steampunk has become my costume of choice. If I could dress like this all of the time, life would be more fun. I wonder if the Marriott would care if I added pocket watches and cogs to my standard (boring) uniform. Throw in a pirate hat and an awesome wig and we are set.
I have been to one of these single's dances before but it was last winter sometime. Had an oddly strange time so I never went back. Plus I hate going to this types of things by myself. I didn't know anyone back then so I felt awkward there. Now that I have single friends my own age (don't ask), I will be attending these more often.
The point of this particular blog and, as I've said before, I always have a point, is the uncomfortableness of attending a dance vs being a part of the single's world. At my age. But, I LOVE dancing. It's my favorite form of exercise. I always have fun and I never get tired of it. Finding a guy that also loves to dance AND can actually dance is rather hard to do. These are the best places to find said guy. But, once in awhile you end up sitting on the sidelines. Now, I could have just gone out and danced by myself. No big deal. Who would have noticed anyway? I could have danced with one of my newfound friends. I could have asked someone to dance. But sometimes I just wanted to sit down and people watch, one of my favorites thing to do. And at a costumed event, you have plenty to look at.
In the old days sitting on the sidelines was a sad thing to do. You know, wall flowers. Sitting on the side waiting for someone to ask you to dance. And they never do. And the popular people are never wall flowers it seems. This time I was sitting down on my own terms. I really didn't want to dance at that moment which is why I sat down. Had Mr. Amazing come by and asked, of course I would have said yes. I don't think he was there though. I think he was somewhere else, dressed up in his pirate costume, having a good time. Anyway, I just sat there, watching the dancers. I was really okay with it.
But it reminded me of dating sites...
My favorite thing to talk about: Dating sites. OY. A month ago I joined four dating sites because a friend said I should date around instead of being focused on one guy. Within two days I had dropped two of the sites. *shudder* When I've signed up in the past, I generally give myself thirty days. If I don't have any success, I bail. Give up. Quit. Yesterday I dropped out of POF after thirty days with no dating success stories. I had made some "friends" but in general, it was a bust. Zoosk has one week left and then I'm done. Anyone that matters already has my phone number. Anyone after that isn't worth staying for.
SO, in dating sites you create a profile, put up some pictures (preferably good pictures, not pictures of your dog, your kids, or your car), and then you wait.
- You have your cruisers: The ones that look at your pictures and "wink" at you. They just keep coming back to look at your profile. Every day. All day. Not a word. No message. What response do they expect from this? I don't get it.
- You have your "chatters," the ones who just want to talk but never actually meet in person. They'll chat for weeks. Once again, what do they expect from this?
- And you have your pushers: "You're really cute. Let's meet!" They scare me.
Let me have happy medium: Chat for a couple of days, meet. Not too pushy, not too chatty, just right. I met him. He's amazing.
Once you have your pictures and profile all set up, you sit on your "chair" on the sidelines and wait for someone to stop and talk to you. In some cases, you could be sitting there for a really long time. One of them finally comes and talks to you and asks you to "dance." You dance with them for a few songs and this is when you decide if you want to keep dancing with them, or call it quits.
At the Halloween dance, I danced with one guy who stopped by my chair as I sat and asked if I was alone. The guy had an amazing mullet. Seriously...it wasn't his costume. He was dressed as a lion, I think, and the mullet merely added to his costume. He seemed like a nice guy: Chatty, not bad looking (hard to tell when he had face paint on-I'm guessing), didn't dance badly. But after three dances in a row he asked if I wanted to keep dancing or if I was done. "I'm done," popped out of my mouth. (Dang that tourettes! My filter has really just faded away anymore.) I danced with one of my friends about 6 times, one of my other friends (a woman) about three times (because we can), danced alone during a line dance (love them), and I danced with a monk. Yes, a monk. My first. I was sitting on the sidelines again and he asked me to dance. Two dances. I'm done. No click, people. You know how I need that click.
Three hours at a dance is the equivalent of thirty days on a dating site for me, I guess. No prospects. Walk away. You sit there, waiting for someone to ask you out on a date, just like waiting for them to ask you to dance. It can be really tough and sad and depressing...if you let it be. But I didn't. Even on the dating sites. At first it was annoying and even depressing, but now I just think it's kind of silly.
What are these people looking for? "People" meaning men. Did I mention how dating at my age is so strange? I'm sure that's because it's really not supposed to even be happening. In theory, people my age are all married. Happily. That's the plan, right? But, some of us aren't. For one reason or another, it didn't work as planned. The schematic failed miserably. None of us sat down thirty years ago and thought, "When I'm fifty, I'm going to be single. That sounds like a fun plan." If they did, they never actually ever got married. Ever. It's not fun. It even sucks sometimes. It's lonely.
So, what are these people looking for? You know, the ones that wink, or look, or chat for weeks on end, but never actually commit to committing? We do this "dance" for days or weeks but they never decide on making it a permanent arrangement. The winkers keep winking. The chatters keep flirting. The players keep playing.
Those of us with everything wonderful to offer just sit on our sidelines, waiting to be asked to dance.
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