Yesterday started out badly. Mind you, I work graveyard this week (long story) so my day starts way after yours. After only about 3 1/2 hours sleep I was awoken by my phone ringing (it's on vibrate but even the vibrating is enough to wake me up). It wasn't the caller that made my day start out badly. Them I can ignore. It was the 6 chunks of text messages that had popped up on my screen during my sleep that did it.
Did I mention that I'm divorced? Last February. The guy I married no longer exists in the body of my ex-husband. In it's place is an angry, spiteful, self-righteous old man. Every time I have to listen to his false preachings, I thank Heavenly Father that I am not married to him. I imagine though, that he utters the same prayer about me. Touche'.
I have moved to Utah, albeit temporarily until I figure out what to do when I grow up (I'm still trying to figure that out). My car is licensed in Washington. That's the easy part. The hard part is that my car is in my ex-human's name because he signed the loan papers. SO, the tabs are also in his name and his address. Last year he paid for the tabs (we were not divorced yet-just separated-he was still civil then) and then gave them to me. (I still lived in Washington). So, I sent him a text message a couple of weeks ago and asked him to let me know the cost of the tabs and I would send him a check to pay for them. All he would have to do is mail them to me. He texted back that I could renew them online and pay for them myself. When I attempted to renew them online, it asked for the driver's license number of the vehicle owner which, of course I do not have.
I texted him again and told him that I could not renew them because I needed his driver's license number and could he please just tell me the amount and I will pay for them through him.
How easy it would have been for him to just say "Sure. This is how much it is...blah blah blah" Nope. Silly me. I'd forgotten that my formerly human husband had turned into the husband of "horse face" (another long story) and she was the controller of his brain. He was Jennified (think Zombified). He was gone. Instead, I get the 6 chunks of self-righteous lecturing diatribe on how I need to respect him, I got myself into this mess and I need to get myself out of it, blah blah blah. He refused. Instead, he accused me of living in Utah illegally (I guess I am an illegal alien? I'd better ask my mom) and I was breaking the law. He told me I had to get my car licensed in Utah.
I don't want my car licensed in Utah. I am not planning on staying in this state longer than I need to. I moved here to be near my children. To help Natalie with her wedding and help my son get his own life established with his new-found freedom-ish. My time frame was 1 year. My lease is up the end of May then I hope to be moving to places far warmer and ocean-ier.
Instead I have Mr. High-and-mighty once again telling me what to do. Since I am not his wife anymore, by his choice, he gave up all rights to telling me anything. For this I am thankful every time I hear his name uttered by my youngest son because his dad decided that he too should receive one of his weekly false religious preachings (yes, I am angry. Do not mess with my children).
Aaaaaanyway, so this conversation went back and forth through text messages. He had contacted the Utah DMV and they told him I only need a letter of authorization stating that he allows me to get my vehicle licensed in Utah. He was more than happy to do that. Which I thought was really funny. He will take the time to write a letter giving his authorization but he will not take the time to tell me the amount of the tabs and sending them to me. Can you see the issue I have with his? It was HIS control. He wanted it done HIS way. Wouldn't it be easier to just tell me the amount? I would have even thrown in an extra 45 cents for the stamp to mail them to me. In fact, while I have since discovered that the tabs were only $43, I was going to mail him a check for $60 so he would have had a bonus. Silly me.
Because of his ridiculous refusal to just do what I asked, and his continual preaching about what I've done to him and how I treat my children badly (although I'm pretty sure I'm the one who relocated three states away and spend every possible waking minute with my children and he has only seen them twice this year AND only communicates with them thru text message preaching AND he didn't even know that my oldest son had relocated across country to NYC and that he and his wife were expecting their first child...I am the one who treats my children badly??? Yes, I know. Run-on sentence. Breathe, Sheri. Breathe.) I was angry. I was upset. I was frustrated. If I had owned a gun and lived anywhere within shooting distance, he'd be dead....but don't quote me. This is WHY I will probably never own a gun.
I think what gets me is that to others who don't/have never lived with him, he comes across as a wonderful human being. My dad was the same way. People who didn't live with him, looooooved him. They worshipped him. But those of us who lived under the same roof as my father, knew who he really was. Mind you, my dad was a great man. He was very loving. But on the opposite side of the spectrum (as my Mom always said "Jekyll and Hyde") he was a very mean, angry man who treated his family members as punching bags and verbal back stops. He taught me that love comes with anger and pain.
So, during 22 years I discovered that my ex-human was also this same type of person. To others he was a very religious, perfect man. To his immediate family he was so flawed. He had weaknesses. If he didn't feel like dealing with something or someone, he just didn't. He never wanted to try hard enough. If it was too much work, he gave up. I called him band-aid guy. When something goes wrong, do just enough to stop the immediate problem but only just enough. The problem with that is, the issue continues to come back until it is permanently fixed. He only dealt with band-aids, not stitches or surgery. He didn't want to put forth the effort.
He was a great dad when the kids were little. They laughed at everything he said. He was the fun parent. I, on the other hand, was the disciplinarian. I made sure they did their homework, went to bed on time, got along, behaved, did the things they were supposed to do. He was rarely home because of his various jobs so I was both mother and father. I dealt with all of the crap that went on, not only with my children, but also with bill collectors. He would swoop in, make them laugh, then swoop back out. Yes, he worked hard. Yes, he paid the bills (ish). But I did everything else.
When the kids became older and formed opinions and problems of their own, he no longer wanted to deal with it . It was too much work. I was raising my children alone. He may have been there more often in our later years of marriage, but mentally he was not. He checked out. I never did.
**I do have to say that when my older two boys were little, I made bad choices. Horrible choices that I can not take back. No re-do's. I chose my own life instead of being their mother. For that I will have eternal regrets. When my younger two children were growing up (marriage numero due) I could never understand how I could have possibly abandoned my older two for some life I thought I needed to have (note to future young mothers: wait til you are adult enough to never ever ever abandon your children) . I would never do it again. If I could go back in time, I would do everything completely differently (which is why I moved to Utah last June to be near my children)**
Where was I going with this.....
Oh yeah, so to the outside world, my ex-human is a happy, perfect, righteous man that was treated badly by his wife. Hmmmm. That's why his own children don't like him and think him to be ridiculous.
Once again, ex-human, please explain to me how I am the bad guy here?
So last night, as I'm working yet another graveyard shift, clarity formed in my mind. If my ex-human could call the Utah DMV why couldn't I contact the Washington DMV for the same reason? I went online and looked up the ever-present "contact us" on their website. I sent an email explaining my dilemma: I had my car, the car was in my ex-human's name, he refused to send me the invoice for the tabs, how can I get the tabs anyway. This morning I received an email back with the instructions. All I had to do was click the option "the owner is divorced, the owner does not have the car". YAY ME! I went to the Washington DMV website and BAM BAM BAM!! Purchased the tabs for my car, even going so far as to change the address on my car. Spoke with an actual human when there were issues with the debit card address not working, made sure MY address was now correct on the registration, and BAM! Got a receipt for my tabs for my car. NOT in Utah as my ex-human tried to control but in Washington where I prefer to call home until I can figure out what to do with my life when I grow up. I controlled my own destiny. My own circumstances. Not the ex-human.
YAY ME!!
(on a side note: I told the ex-human that I was able to get my tabs in Washington, and his reply? "I told you it could be done..." Whatever. I still won)
