Me? Seriously? I HATE dating. Honestly. I do not enjoy it, no matter what you may think. You all saw my post from the shortest date ever. That's what you risk happening when you agree to go out with someone you've never met. There is that initial dread on the day of the date. For me it happens while I am getting ready. What to wear, what to wear, what to wear. I can tell when I don't really want to go. I know this ahead of time. I have even postponed dates before (in my defense I have gone on the postponed date at a later time). But, as was the case with the Loser in Layton (Great name for him. Wish I'd thought of it earlier), I agreed to go on the date at a weak moment. I was in a bad mood when he asked me. I was feeling lonely. I didn't really want to go. I was already mentally prepared for it to fail before I even got there. Imagine my relief when I didn't have to endure one to two hours of a conversation with someone I didn't want to go out with in the first place. Maybe that is why I laughed so hysterically. It was pure relief.
So first you have the initial dread. The next step comes when you are about to enter the establishment where you are meeting that stranger. I generally pull up in my car, apply Carmex (the lip gloss of champions), take a deep breath, take note of the nervous stomach (blech), and head inside. Then comes the fun and uncomfortable scanning of the room, hoping that whomever you make eye contact with is exactly what they looked like in their pictures or, if not, better looking than their pictures. You also hope they are looking back at you. I prefer to get there first to have the upper hand but it doesn't always turn out that way.
Then there is the instant click. Sorry guys, I have to have it. With my ex-husband, there was the instant click. I loved that man for twenty years. It works for me. It tells me that there is a strong possibility for a long, loving, fun relationship. For me, the click has to be there. It's not something you can fake. It's not something you find later after weeks, months, years of dating..which is why it's called an INSTANT click and not a delayed reaction. So, if I look at the mystery date and don't feel that click, I start thinking about how soon I can politely call it a day.
I had two dates (yes, I said two) the other day where I felt no click. Almost instantly I was plotting my escape. The first guy sensed it and, at the end of the two hour (too long) date, he politely said, "If you want to hang out again, let me know." He knew and I knew that it wasn't there. Phew. Easy out. The second date didn't get the hint even though I spent the entire time folding and refolding my straw paper. After an hour there was still no click. He was a nice guy and had great stories but I felt nothing. At the end of the date he handed me his card and told me to text him so he'd have my number and we could get together again. I didn't. He sent me a message later on the dating site letting me know that I had caught myself a fish (POF). I wrote him back and let him know that while I knew he was a nice guy, we had nothing in common and I wished him good luck in his search. He told me he loved my eyes and we could still be friends. See? Nice guy. Not enough to make me want to go out with him again though. See, even though they are undoubtedly paying for the date, I see no reason to waste their time further. It's wasting my time also. I believe a serial dater would have no problem with that.
"A 'serial dater' is a person who has a large number of short term romantic, physical or sexual relationships, but seems unable to commit or remain in a romance relationship for any length of time.
Serial daters replace the comfort and intimacy of a 'serious relationship' with a patchwork of relationships, often getting physical relations or intimacy, excitement or variety, friendship, and companionship from different people." http://www.datingonline.org/advice/what-is-a-serial-dater/
Serial daters are also known as Players. They are like little bumble bees touching here and there and moving on to the next willing victim, getting as much "pollen" as they can along the way, without making any real commitment. I am not one of those. Unlike a player, I AM looking for a commitment. My dating profile even says so. I am actively looking for a relationship. I'm looking for Mr. Right, Mr. Wonderful, etc. If I wasn't, it would say "Dating, no commitment." I do not go from date to date, getting as much as I can from them. I am looking. Isn't that what you are supposed to do? If you don't find the one for you, you keep looking. If the click isn't there, I don't go out with them any further. Even the nice guys.Have I felt any "clicks" since I've jumped back into the dating world? Yes. Exactly twice. What happened? Well, first guy was actually already in a relationship. It's okay. Wasn't meant to be. We're still friends. Sometimes being friends is better. Sometimes.
Second guy: Jury is still out. We clicked before we even met. All I saw were a few pictures and his profile write-up. I don't know what it was. There was just something about him that I needed to get to know better so I went so far as to pay for my subscription on the dating site just so I could talk to him. I asked him out. We chatted a little bit online, then on text. Conversations with him are hilarious. They're deep. We talked about everything. We laughed. That was all before we ever met in person. And then two days later I walked away from that 2 1/2 hour time-went-ridiculously-slow date feeling pumped. Happy. Excited. Positive. Uplifted. I looked at him across the top of my car and said, "I had a really great time. I like you!" He liked me back. So much so that our date made him late for an appointment. But, he's a busy guy. He has had personal stuff come up. He's a popular guy in the business world. He postponed our next date. He didn't text as much. My friends told me not to text him. Just wait. I waited. I gave up. He texted. Second date: Perfect. BBQ, fancy cheese, bread and olive oil, jazz playing in the background. Did I mention perfect? Perfect gentleman. Tons of laughs, deep conversation, we talked about everything. He quoted Monty Python, a weakness of mine. I have NEVER been out with someone who quotes Monty Python (watch the movie "Sliding Doors" and you'll see what I mean). Most of all, I didn't have to pretend to be someone I wasn't. I was just me: Open, authentic, bare, trusting, and vulnerable. Kind of like what I am doing on here. I didn't worry about what he might think of me. I was really, authentically me. I could get used to this. I really really like this guy.
Dating when you are older is so lame and awkward. Nothing is obvious. Nobody speaks their true feelings. Everyone seems to be afraid of being honest, open, and authentic when it comes to telling someone how you feel. Could I just text the guy and say "Hey, I really like you and I'd like to see where this goes,"? Nope. It might scare him away. He might be a commitment-phobe. OR, he might already be in a relationship. *ahem*
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