Shower Epiphany: Being a Nice Person vs Flirting

           I posted on Facebook recently that I had received a rather lengthy email from an old friend who was concerned that my feelings for him were more than just "friends" status. I was really surprised by this email because I hadn't given any hint during the random times we'd spent together in two weeks that I wanted to be more than friends. Because I didn't.

     One of my Facebook friends commented that I must have been flirting with him.

Hmmmm. Nope.

     You see, this old friend was my ex-boyfriend. You know, the one I've mentioned in previous posts. Why would I even consider going into a relationship with him again that was anything more than just friends?  Some might wonder why I would even want to be friends with him. Because, I'm a nice person. I forgive easily. No, really. I do. I can be trampled over and over again and still stand up and say, "Okay. One more chance." It's what I do. I did it for 22 years (even doing it now, three years later) with my ex-husband. I love so I forgive.

     Anyway, Comic Con was approaching. I go every single time with my youngest son, Luke. It's our thing. But Luke has become a social butterfly so he likes to go wander Comic Con by himself, or with his friends (who wants to hang out with their MOM?), and I knew I would be left alone to wander Comic Con in my little Steampunk outfits. I knew it wouldn't be as much fun alone. It's always more fun with someone who also wants to be there as much as you do. I don't have any other Comic Con friends. You know, the ones who get soooo excited about being there that they buy their tickets as soon as they go on sale...6 months ahead of time.  And I knew the ex-boyfriend was one of those people who did. We had a common interest: Comic Con. Since the first one three years ago that only Luke and I had attended, we had gone to every single one together, the ex-boyfriend and I. That was why I contacted him after a no-contact zone of six months. So I'd have someone to wander Comic Con with. And so that, knowing him, he'd have someone to go to Comic Con with also.  That was the only reason. Nothing more.

     Let me first preface this whole thing (wait, I didn't really preface it, did I?) by saying that I am not lonely. I don't feel alone. At all. It's weird. For a really long time I had felt lonely. I perused dating sites every six months, hoping to find that one person who'd fix my loneliness. Guess what? I fixed it by myself.  Seriously. Didn't need some guy to do it for me. Imagine that. AND I am really confortable in my single status. Really. That scares me a little bit too, but that's a blog post for another day.

     So, two weeks ago I contacted the ex-boyfriend via email and asked him if he was going to Comic Con. He replied that he was and would be interested in doing what we've always done at Comic Cons before: wander together. Between that contact and Comic Con, we've gone to two movies together and a lunch (and I paid for myself which makes them NOT DATES), and the local Italian Festival. Once again, I paid for myself. Once again, not a date. Then we wandered Comic Con. The ex-boyfriend did not fund one part of my personal Comic Con experience. NOT DATING.

     And so, imagine my surprise when I get the lengthy email the day after Comic Con ends telling me that we could only be friends. That he didn't want me relying on him for movies and dinners. That I should also be seeing my other friends and "movie buddies".  And not be surprised if he distances himself when he becomes interested in someone else.

     HUH?

     Yeah. Me too.

    So, back to my initial epiphany: Being Nice vs Flirting.

     I'm a nice person. I treat all humans, male or female, with the same niceness. If you are friendly or sarcastic, BONUS!! We will get along perfectly. If you're nice to me, I am automatically nice back. That's why I've always been in customer service. It's what I do.

     When I worked at the front desk at my hotel, more than once I was told (jokingly) to stop flirting with the guests. It's because I am friendly. I'll act interested in what you have to say. I will laugh at your jokes. It's my job to make you feel good and walk away happier than you were when you first started talking to me.

    Is that flirting?

    Or am I just being nice?

     So is this where the world has gone? Have we forgotten what it's like to be friendly to people? So much so, that when someone is friendly to us, we think they are flirting? Or other people think we're flirting with them?

     My Facebook friend said that he found it hard to believe that I wasn't flirting with said ex-boyfriend.

     I cannot tell you when the last time was that I actually flirted with someone. I almost think I have forgotten how to flirt. Seriously. It's been so long.

     So the other morning when I was in the shower (because that is where all serious thinking - and karaoke - is done), it hit me: Was my ex-boyfriend so un-used to people being nice to him that when someone is, he thinks they're interested in him? Is that why he thought I was wanting to be more than friends? Because I was nice to him?

***Insert eye roll here***

     And is that why he never once asked me how I'd been or what I'd been up to for the last six months? Or showed any interest in my life? Or even smiled the first or second time he saw me after six months? (in fact, he just looked plain pissed) Because he was afraid I'd think he was interested in me?

***Insert another eye roll here***

     Is that where the world has gone? You can't be nice to someone without them thinking you're seriously interested in them?

     That's just sad.

     NEWSFLASH:

     Being nice to someone is not always flirting.

     Sometimes it just is what it is.

     I suppose there are those who are so blind to flirting that they don't notice it when someone actually is interested in them. They have their buddies punching them in the shoulder, "Dude. She was totally flirting with you!" and they still have no clue. (OR, there are those that assume EVERYONE is flirting with them. Big ego much?)

     And there are those, like me, who are just being themselves. Being nice to other people simply for the sake of being nice. No intentions. No ulterior motives.

Just. Being. Nice.

     Maybe, WORLD, if everyone started being a little nicer to those around them, there'd be less wars. Less homelessness. Less hunger. Less anger. Less loneliness. Less confusion. Less judgement. Less hate. Less of everything that is sad and bad.

     Maybe, just maybe, there would be more peace. Imagine that.

You know those little kids who smile at you in the grocery store checkout line simply because you're looking at them?

Do you suppose their flirting with you?

Doubtful.

   
Maybe we need to be a little more like them.